Beauty In Death
by Roselle LaDeeva
Summary: Bella is made a vampire even before she meets Edward. A lot of speculation. It's hardly my idea, but I decided instead of criticizing other people for it, I'll try putting it in my own words. Go ahead and read, criticize me all you like.
1. Chapter 1

_Beauty in Death_

_Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this story except for Gerhard and I will mention more of them as we meet them. Most of the characters and facts were taken from Stephenie Meyer's book 'Twilight'. I have rated this M for minor violence and some adult themes. _

_Summary: Bella is made a vampire even before she meets Edward. A lot of speculation going on, I'm sure this is not an original idea but instead of criticizing other people on this idea, I decided to put it into my own words. Criticize all you want; don't worry about being mean because my goal is to improve. _

_Chapter One – Depthless Pits_

I lay there completely immobile and dead to the world. Dead as I felt, I was aware of the occurrence in the sudden changes that I was starting to experience. The pain was something I couldn't ignore – like fire burning me inside out and then as ice making me as brittle as ever. I felt like I could break into a million pieces. I started to scream, and scream so loudly it was almost a wailing. I panicked, I couldn't move, my eyes were closed, and I could feel nothing but darkness that like a black blanket was put over me ready to take me under and farewell to the earth forever.

At first I thought I wasn't ready to give up this life, but as I lie there for countless hours, maybe days, or even years unmoved and incessantly bawling that I no longer knew if I was still screaming. I did not know what was happening, but only that I was ready to end my life. Perhaps I had already made it to hell where continuous suffering prevailed; I could not tell, but I felt as though time had stopped for me, and where my heart once pounded, it did no more. There was a new taste in mouth – I couldn't tell what it was, but it was bitter and vicious.

As I writhed and gnashed my teeth in agony, I started to think what I did to deserve this? Where was the justice? What kind of devil did this to me? Then as unquestionably as that, my previous life and actions started to play in my head. I remembered every bad memory but no good ones left to console me - every one I hurt, every little bad thing I did, and in turn, the memories that made me shed baleful tears.

I started to worry about Renee and Phil, knowing that I'd left Charlie thinking of me. How horrible I felt, to leave them. I missed them badly; if only I'd had a chance of saying one last goodbye. What would Renee and my stepfather do with me just gone and dead, and what about my father? It went on in my head like a playing mantra – I instinctively knew it would always be a burden on me as I dug deeper into this grave.

Then there was the last memory, the event that led to this painful, perpetual anguish. Death as it came, gave me no warnings. I remembered it clearly, as though it was just minutes ago it happened. My mind sobered; but I felt like I was drowning in water, unable to breathe as I recalled the murder – my murder. I sobbed without tears, thinking of the horrible memory and the more pain it brought. Fresh wounds being picked at, I was now feeling a different kind of pain – one that made my stagnant heart ache as I was being forced to watch that memory.

_I was walking home from the library that night; everyone else had left earlier. I stayed to do some research on my history paper. Then as I pushed the stainless steel handle of the great, wooden doors, a boy with strange chalky skin appeared at the other side of the entrance of the library. I held the library door open for him, but he only shook his head. _

"_Would you like me to walk you home?" he asked in his smooth, silky voice. _

"_Um, sure," I replied, my voice a little croaky, I could feel myself blushing. He smiled; his skin, other than my own porcelain skin, was very unusual. His eyes were strangely vivid red, I was surprised. My face must have given that away, because his smile was suddenly polite; I smiled back. I felt strange, as this strangely beautiful boy took such interest in me. I was rarely or maybe never sought after by the Y chromosomes. _

"_You read a lot," he said. "Don't you, Bella?" The way he said my name brought such shock to me._

"_Are you okay?" he asked. He suddenly seemed unsure about something._

"_I'm fine," I replied, wondering why my face has to give off everything. "It's just that, how do you know my name?" _

"_Oh, well, I heard your friends call you Bella."_

"_Oh." There was something about what he said that sounded odd, but something about his eyes that lost me in my train of thought. _

_We started to walk in silence, only then did I realize that we were somewhat lost. He didn't even ask me where I stayed, where is he taking me? _

"_Where are we going?" I asked, suddenly wary of this peculiar boy. He seemed rather old to be calling him a boy – he looked more like twenty-one or so. _

"_I thought you wouldn't mind if I took you out to dinner," his lips tuned up into a sweet smile, revealing his ultra white teeth. "Besides when will I ever see you again?" _

"_Oh," was all I managed, taken aback by that breathtaking smile._

"_I apologize, it was rude of me," he apologized, looking penitent. It was hard to say no, he was so incredibly charming, and polite. _

"_But I still don't know your name," I said, wondering why he won't tell me his name. _

"_I'll tell you," he smiled widely; he looked more beautiful beneath the moonlight. His pallid skin glowed a little as though he was blushing, but I couldn't tell his skin was just too pale. "…after dinner." _

_We walked through a darkened alley and there's where it happened. He embraced me in his arms, his smell, as I didn't notice before, was sweet and inviting. I was too confused to protest. Leaning in and bent over me, he caressed my neck with his cold, hard lips that gave way to sharp teeth that gently scratched my soft, translucent skin. He shivered with pleasure as he inhaled my scent. I shivered too, but with fear – something felt absolutely wrong. _

_"No! What are you doing?"My voice raised three octaves yelped a mixture of anger and fear. I tried with massive effort to push him away, but he barely moved an inch._

_"Don't worry, sweetheart," he smiled a smile of malice that will forever be embedded in my memories; always lurking and haunting me. "It won't hurt a bit." _

_Then he bit into my neck. I screamed with uncontrollable fear; my voice was a hysterical siren. Adrenaline burst into my veins, and my body throbbed with panic. I shook hysterically, but his grip was firm. I kicked him, with my arms flaying wildly in the air, but his granite body did not budge. I felt him drink the life out of me. Suddenly, I heard something hit the ground. He suddenly pulled away, holding my weight in his rock steady arms. He turned away, apparently distracted. I could smell the blood that gushed out from my neck – I knew it would make me pass out. I couldn't stand the smell of blood, I felt both too tired to fight and too faint to breathe. _

_"Leave her alone!" A different voice cried. I realized the stranger was throwing rocks at the bloodsucking creature, whatever he was. He dropped me; his face was filled with anger and malice. No! I thought. He's going after the human. I tried to get up, but the loss of blood and the smell of it left me weak and dizzy._

_"No!" I yelled at the beast. "Leave him alone! It's me you want." They continued to ignore me, I barely heard what they were doing, and my vision was blurring. _

_"Gerhard, w-what a-are y-you?" the human stuttered. _

_"It is none of your business." Gerhard hissed. "You're just unlucky you were so curious of what was hiding in my closet, William. You really wanted to know, didn't you? Are you happy now?" _

_I saw a dark figure launching itself on the other static figure. I wanted to scream, but couldn't really find my voice, and far too drained for that. Suddenly I heard a group of people stampede into the narrow alley. I could no longer see, I must have already passed out, but I was partially aware of the sounds going on in the alley. I heard Gerhard hiss loudly and he seemed to be killing the lot of the humans because I heard many screams and cries of the people. _

_"Bring him back, you brute!" the gang was yelling. More rocks were being thrown around as I felt one hit my skull. I flinched. Then I heard the crowd stumbling and running after Gerhard. They probably did not know what he was, because they followed him. Some demon from hell; how many more victims would he kill before he was stopped? I felt remorse towards this beast. Every muscle in my body ached to revenge him; I felt the anger I never had before. I have never felt so useless in my life; so weak and powerless. _

_There as I lay in the darkness, no one had found me, I waited for death to come. I could feel the wetness spilling out from my throat where he bit me and the smell of rust and salt making me dizzier even in my unconscious state. That was when the pain started to come. It was like a fire burning my ne; I could actually see the fire, but could not stop it. I screamed and screeched but no one heard me. I felt alone and death came soon enough that I didn't recognize it as it did. _

I started to sob even more at the evil of the memory, but the tears never came. I couldn't feel much anymore; the pain was numbing my other senses. It was so painful that I no longer sensed much. The pain itself was starting to decrease, and I found myself screaming no more.

As 'time' trickled by or at least as the time in the world trickled by, I felt more aware. I could hear my surroundings – the sounds of cars, and people chattering. Only then did I realize that I wasn't "dead", but I knew my old life was over. I was not really sure of what I had become, but I had a vague idea; I winced at the speculation. Horrified as I was, I felt that perhaps I was given a second chance at life that I might avenge the deaths of innocent people and my own death. Though, I doubt that killing would be effortless, but if I was what he was, I might have a better chance at stopping him. I never killed anything or anyone, but suddenly I discovered the killer instincts began to download into my little human brain. The closest I ever got to murder in my human life was squishing ants.

I felt strangely disorientated as my body worked its way to reviving itself. I began to feel stronger than I ever had before. Abruptly, I fluttered open my eyes, and everything that happened earlier seemed to be a bad dream. I woke in that same alley; in Phoenix. I felt strange, and slightly agitated. The world seemed different through my new pair of eyes, sharper, and clearer. I felt good as a newborn teenager, but it shouldn't be if I was a bloodsucker.

I looked down at my arms. My skin had turned pallid over hard marble hands. My skin shined in the daylight, like crystals that refracted and reflected sunlight. What had I become? I look into a nearby glass window. The girl in the reflection looked much prettier perhaps, but as pale as ever, her eyes had become the most damned red color. I looked at her neck; there were no scars or punctures in her pale, long neck. I know it was stupid, but I checked for fangs but her teeth were ultra white, and no fangs. I wanted to go home, but a part of me just wanted to–

All of a sudden my thoughts were interrupted, as the smell of – I looked around, a young man dressed handsomely in a black suit was passing by at the end of the alley. I could see beneath his skin – the living, red substance that made my mouth start to run with some tasteless, viscous liquid. It felt like I was drooling. The back of my throat felt dry and it ached. Without any other thoughts I jumped on him, already imagining the taste of his blood. I couldn't think of anything else but his blood. The look on his face, it was of pure horror – pale and distorted. He tried pushing me off, I held his neck firmly, if he were to move, it would break which would neither bothered me nor affect me.

"P-please, p-please," he gasped.

I was completely oblivious to his voice. Suddenly I started to feel something as I looked into his fear bleached eyes. The feeling was so subtle, I almost didn't feel it. I felt like I knew him, almost immediately. I somehow understood him, knew what he was going to do, and what he was trying to do. I knew the love he felt for his family; a mortal feeling lost to me forever.

I sat on him, staring at him intensely, wondering why he was giving me these emotions, and why everything he was going to do was wide on the open across his face. Leaning in, slowly, and gradually reaching for his throat, I could see his blood pumping in his veins; he was like a fountain of life. Slowly, closer and closer, I breathed in the sweet scent – I felt intoxicated and felt like I couldn't get enough.

No sooner, I realized I was drinking out of him; I felt like I was somewhere else. I drank out of an unquenchable thirst; an insatiable thirst. I suddenly felt stronger and more complete. As soon as he was dry, I abandoned his body as he was of no benefit to me anymore. Realizing what I had done, in comparison to how I was wronged in the same way, I immediately felt regret, but there was no real grief or remorse, and that made me guilty and somewhat horrified. I felt like humans were for my food, and that was it. I was so confused, like I couldn't trust my own feelings.

Voices in my head both encouraging and discouraging my actions; they were telling me so many things. Some were just making me guilty, others were just plain revolting. It became hard to stand up and breathe; I had to get away. My head was getting really crowded. Frustrated and disgusted I tried to run away from myself. I was like a ghost as I ran across the open ground into a different zone; away from all these people.

_Clarifications: Most of you are probably wondering what kind of power I had in mind for Bella. It feels so good to be an author even of someone else's characters, I have so much control. Anyway, I noticed how clumsy she was when she was human; do you think that she would be worst as a vampire? That idea would have been hilarious. I think a lot of people are predicting that to come in Breaking Dawn. _

_I have decided against this idea for several reasons. First, I am a much too serious writer to be making parodies of something I consider to be a well written piece of art. Second, I'm just too lazy to go there. _

_The power I had in mind for her was more of a lengthening of intuition. In other words, she knows things about people without reason. How she does is simply out of the question. _

_ I understand I fall short in writing of Bella's character and personality, but there is one thing you must understand, she isn't human anymore. Vampires are selfish creatures who only use human beings for their own benefit. The more human blood she devours, the more she becomes evil. It is a choice that is influenced by a lot of things. That choice is up to her. Even though it is hard, it is not impossible to overcome it._


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 – Specks of Hope

I ran away and far enough into the wild, flaying arms of the mysterious jungle where the enticing fragrance and the recurring call of human blood were expelled from my impelled mind. But the sadistic thoughts were still there and the barely existent voices constantly luring me with unimaginable thoughts; seductive whispers spinning in my head at any sign of human beings. It was cruel to think both ways and have two minds living in one body; cruel to endure.

In this abandoned abyss – a lively jungle of predators and victims was where I decided I blended-in quite well into the picture. All the lovely things of my old life had now ceased forever like a setting sun forever to sink and never come up again – that was the world for me. This is my life now – no cheerful sun, nor twinkling stars. I was completely lost, and my existence was vacant and eternal like a depthless pit.

There were no friends; no company here in this impenetrable jungle of hidden life. The animals were merely food, not friends. The trees witnessed my every murder of the lives it had bore since birth; the ground had sipped the blood I had spilled. Yes, I hungrily killed them – the little friends of the jungle. Where were my friends now? Who would be my friends now? The answer was in the silent puff of the wind and the hollow echo that hummed through the jungle. Instantaneously, I knew I couldn't live like this forever. I had to find some means of escape.

After battling out with my conscience for ages at many points in my repulsive existence, I had finalized a decision to end this suffering with suicide. Who would ever think I was capable of suicide? Never, never would I ever have come to this hopeless conclusion that the world without me would be a better place, until I became this. Damn you, Gerhard, I cursed internally my fiery temper that rose and fell in exactly where I am now – at the foot of mercy.

"End my life, please." I whispered on my knees and between sobs. "I can't take this burden any further." But no one answered, only the wind in its silent puffs who offered no comfort.

Desperate and in agony, I griped myself firmly and told myself that I had to end this life. My foggy mind drowning in despair decided suicide was for the best. Drunk in misery, I stood at the edge of the cliff which stood tall above the caves. Ready to throw myself over, I stood over the edge, head much too cluttered to think. I leaned too far off the edge, but as soon as I saw how far down it was, it struck me with alarm, I stumbled to fall back but it was too late, I had fallen off headlong. For a brief moment I was flying straight towards death's sweet kiss. I landed with a crash on the hard rocks. I got up, with granite limbs intact and nothing broken. I was in disbelief, and even more flustered as I realized death had rejected me. Many other attempts after that were all as futile.

I sat on the edge of the branch of the tree with my legs vigorously swinging, causing a slight ripple in the broad, layered trunk. Time well spent indeed, I thought to myself. And there it was the deathly silent word, time. I had never come to a favorable proximity of grasping time in my hands, and now more than ever, I would never need to again. Could it have been days, months, or years I had been dead to the rest of the world? I didn't really want to know.

Life was no life at all. I knew at some point that I would have to go back and into the loose embrace of my old life. I couldn't resist the thought, it was too promising. I would work harder, if I could stop myself from drinking human blood – I stubbornly promised myself. There was no way I could give up hope now, I couldn't bear to. And the thoughts went on simultaneously like a forgiving mantra. I used these little thoughts to distract the real issue, and for much of my futile subsistence, it worked.

I would go back to Charlie; to Forks, Washington. He wouldn't have to see me of course; I would just take a long, hard glimpse of him then I would leave forever. The thoughts were becoming unimaginable. Suddenly, there in my head was a burnished image of massacre, and then it was a subtle image of forgiveness – I could see it in Charlie's watery eyes, and then it was just a dull crimson everywhere. I couldn't take it anymore, but a part of me was hungry, thirsty – I screamed and felt the monster laugh and giggle. Horrified, I was, I lifted my feet swiftly above the ground, but fell over the entrenched roots at the foot of the massive tree. With dust in my mouth, I lay there on my face silently waiting for someone to save me from myself.

By now I was convinced that it was pivotal that I pinched my nose from any breath of hope killing my breathless lungs. The more I hoped the more lives I would steal, I contemplated. Despite the stabbing feeling of heartache, I knew I could never return to my old life; to see the people I love. The knowledge of harm I could bring to them was both insufferably heartbreaking and suffocating.

I stared up using my concrete chin as support, far beyond the darkened sky and into the horizon where the neon, red sun had fallen into another cheery lit day – spilling its radiance everywhere it went. The day had disappeared; but life goes on at the next brilliant sunrise. As difficult as it often became, life would carry on. The cycle of feelings of guilt, forgiveness, and hope would roll over and over again in a tedious drive. Clearly, I would never be completely forgiven, and never allowed to move on. The rain cloud was where I stood; eternal suffering was where I stood.

Gradually as life moved on, the seasons passed, flowers died and bloomed, life flourished and multiplied, I forced myself to awake from the disputing thoughts and clarification of mind. The determination I griped with my weak and withered hands was small and weak. Much of my cerebral strength and will had been drained in my regrets. Day by day, I gathered bits of strength that lay on the ground like debris.

As winter approached, I continued to stay in the jungle and often wondering around. By now I knew my new home inside-out, every trail, every tree, and every path. White frail snowflakes floated in the air gradually piling up the ground with snow. The wild, mysterious jungle now wrapped in white snow appeared to me as innocent and lonely. I leaned back and fell into a cold, white, soft bed. I spread out my arms brushing it gently up and down against the ground creating a snow angel. I laughed to myself and heard it reverberate though the friendless jungle. I sighed and brushed the snow off, hardly feeling the cold even though my green blouse and jeans was in tatters. I still held on to my purse which had some ID, 20 bucks, 40 cents and my debit card.

I finally made the decision to return; I would go to Forks to "visit" Charlie. I couldn't procrastinate anymore; I had to face my fear – myself. Seeing Charlie again was the only thing rationalizing the past months in hell. Whether I was strong enough, I did not know. But I had it all planned out. I told myself, if I ever felt the need to –. I just couldn't bring myself to say it. But I would run away even before I had the thought of harming Charlie. Somewhere deep inside me, I knew I would never hurt him.

"I could never," I roared within my chest. "I would never!"

The next thing that came to my mind was money. I had been able to find my way back to the city, several hours running I arrived back at civilization. At first I was rather nervous to return to the presence of humans, all the while I was holding my breath and trying so hard not to smell. It took me awhile to realize that I was no longer breathing for hours. I took out all my money in my bank account which was altogether about five thousand bucks. I dumped my purse somewhere near an alleyway with the inside cluttered out so it would like I was robbed. I knew I couldn't use my ID.

I read a bit on how to make fake ID's in a magazine once, not that I ever thought I would need it. I guess it was pure luck I did. I decided I needed to borrow a school library's computer. I headed down to the nearest high school I could find where no one knew me.

There was a big white school at the end of the block. I quickly made my way up the concrete steps ignoring stares from other kids. I knew what they were thinking; they were all dazzled by the porcelain quality of my skin. Luckily, I had bought new clothes; I could easily be mistaken as one of the students. I could smell their blood, as delicious it tasted, I could imagine but I could hold back; I was becoming stronger, I was glad. I avoided them like the plague, barely making any eye contact. I distracted myself by concentrating on where to find the library.

As soon as they kids was done roaming their eyes on my skin they looked away like I was nothing new, just another regular girl. The odd thing was I knew where the library was. I walked three right turns deeper into the building and then a left where there were two red doors with a sign on the door saying 'Library' just as I had imagined. I was bewildered by the strange déjà vu feeling.

It was a pretty good school, well stocked, and it was financially well supported. I looked around for any sign of threat but no one seemed to notice my entrance. There were hardly any students in the library, and the librarian was busy typing information into her silver flat-screen computer, I could barely make out her face much of which was buried beneath the load of paperwork scattered on her desk.

I dashed to the computer at the other side of the room, glad that I made no spectacle. Heads turned as I flew to the other side of the room in a second. I realized my mistake, but I immediately looked away hoping they would think they were imagining it. The librarian however, was concentrating on her work and made no notice of what just happened. Still, every now and then it was hard to avoid the temptation, especially since there were only three people in the room. But I quickly focused my mind on something else.

As soon as the heads shook and looked away, I started picking out some pictures from my e-mail that Renee sent me when we were out. I felt like crying as I looked through the pictures – we were happy. There was one in particular that made a lump bulge at my throat. I felt unable to swallow. I couldn't bear to look at it anymore and simply cut my face out of the picture. I twit it a little here and there, making it look like a driver's license picture. As soon as I had finished I printed it off placing Teslin in the printing machine. As soon as the printing sounds started to go off, I felt a human behind me. I turned around, startled by his closeness. Bloody fool, he looked like an idiot as he stared blankly at me. Run! I felt like screaming at him. His blank, vacant face let out a chuckle. He thought I had a crush on him. You foolish boy, I thought to myself. The only thing I would want you for is your blood.

I stared in horror, as he refused to leave. In fact he pushed passed me, his tender human skin brushing against mine reaching for the paper from the printing machine. The monster started to growl with excitement, I could imagine me ripping up his throat. My head was literally in screams. The other half of my brain was ahead of the monster; it knew that if the boy had found out what I was trying to do in the library, I would have to kill him. I was distracted by his hand reaching for the paper. I snatched it away from the printer before he had reached it.

"Excuse me," I said, "This is mine."

"Oh," he said, surprised by the somewhat rude gesture. I turned away and tried to walk as slowly as my excitement would allow. I finally got my fake ID, as childish as it may seem, I was happy because now I can fly to Forks. I looked down on the details I had placed. I laughed as I read my new name, Bella Lovett. I spent a couple of months preparing for my flight.

Throughout the flight I was ecstatic. It must have bothered the stewardess that I had refused everything she offered – food, drinks, or blanket. But there was one thing I did take, it was the headphones. There weren't many songs to pick from, so I just went with the instrumentals.

It was now August when I arrived in Forks. The green of the trees was so different and unlike Phoenix. There were broken pieces of memories that lingered in my head as I looked upon this place. I almost forgot I was carrying a little brown suitcase because it was so light. I stepped out of the plane and inhaled the sweet air; I could smell the forest even from here. I smiled, happy to be somewhere I grew up; the familiarity swept most of the past months away, but I knew it wasn't long before it would all come back to me. There wasn't much sun here; it wasn't as bright as it was in Phoenix where I had to hide in my clothing.

I waved at the cab, hoping that would be the right human gesture to beckon a cab. It slid in smoothly and stopped at the exit of the terminal. I peered into the cab, at the patient cab driver and remembered to slid in slowly enough for the humans to consider inconspicuous. I murmured the address and soon enough we were headed for Charlie's house. I stared out the window and watched the sky as it gradually darkened, bleached by the crimson sunset.

As I continued to look out, I suddenly caught the reflection of my pallid, expressionless face on the glass window. I noted that my eyes had begun to fade in color, it was no longer held beastly the scarlet red, but it was more a poignant carnation. It drained in its evil red color and was added a hint of yellowish-brown tincture. Perhaps I was starting to fail at being a vampire, but something told me even as I hoped, I would never be human again.

I looked at the reflected expression of that impassive face and those sad bleached eyes. I tried to smile, but it looked like I was wincing. But with those brilliant teeth, she actually didn't look too bad, might actually convince someone.

I saw from the corner of my eye, the middle-aged cabby look into his rear view, and his face showed signs of disapproval from the way those appearing wrinkles held, like he was worried that I might need some mental help for smiling at the window. I almost smiled, but had to control myself.

My eyes were fixed on the road ahead. I felt a mix of excitement and anxiety. I felt that tears would swell up in my eyes, had I been human. Fear and relief pulsed into me – the mixed emotions created a sensation in me. I griped the front seat, afraid that I might faint.

I had to be careful of almost everything, and with this new body and its new functions, everything seemed to be given an addition. The cabby braked the cab abruptly in front of Renee's house; I might have been thrown into the back seat had I not held the front seat. I heard a small rip coming from the old front seat. I was right, I had slightly ripped it. It was somewhat good to know that I was still clumsy even as a bloodsucker.

I pulled out some change from my pocket and handed it to the cabby not really knowing how much I gave him. I jumped out of the car, slamming the door behind me. I walked slowly even though my mind was running anxiously towards the house. I took a couple of deep breaths feeling almost unable to breathe.

Clarifications: Well here is my second chapter, and I hope it was no less good than my first. Hope it doesn't sound too rushed either. I tried to demonstrate Bella as being a vampire as much as I could. In this part, Bella has not completely overcome her need to feed on human blood neither has she made the choice not to but since she has been staying away from humans for awhile, she feels she is more able to resist from killing them. Unlike Edward, Carlisle, and the rest of the gang, Bella does not have much information on being a vampire, but most of the basic things she has either figured out on her own or will soon find out. Whether or not Bella will kill Charlie is up to me and the rest you just have to wait for the next chapter. Any questions, feel free to ask.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 - Agonizing Perplexities of Reality

As I stood out there in front of the somewhat intimidating house, I felt like a child again. The memories just came to me all at once almost pulling me under. I stood waiting outside, rather unsure of what to do. I knew he was coming to the windows so I quickly ducked behind the towering trees. I peeked through the papery leaves, but to my great disappointment, the man who threw the curtains back was not my beloved Charlie. Instantly, I felt a deep void. I sank to the ground wrapping my arms around my knees, and just sitting there for a bit.

It was no man who appeared at the window; it was a boy who looked deeply distressed. He had dark russet hair with dark eyes all of which looked appallingly familiar. Something about the boy made me groan with disgust and hatred. I didn't trust him; I didn't trust him at all. I was surprised by the strong emotion I held for the boy. Suddenly, I heard Charlie's voice calling to the boy.

"Jacob," Charlie's weary voice called. "Is that you?"

It was a relief to hear his voice; I allowed a deep sigh to escape my heavy chest, dropping my whirling head down to my chest. What he meant by that, I had no idea. I leaped to my feet in a heartbeat with happiness. I pushed through the leaves and continued to peer through. I saw Jacob; he was beckoning Charlie to the window.

"Close the curtains!" Charlie grumbled, waving his arms in the air in attempts to fight back the sun's beams.

I caught a clear look of his face – tired, wrinkled eyes, messy hair, and bloodshot eyes; he looked like he had suffered months of sleepless nights. I am positive he is still dressed in his uniform; how could he work looking like that? It was a terrible sight; I was extremely disheartened by what I saw. Even suicide wouldn't be able to cure me from this guilt.

"I'm so sorry, Charlie," I whispered to the wind.

"Nature has its own healing powers, Charlie," Jacob said, practically sputtering the words out.

Both Charlie and I were surprised at the violent tone of the tall, troubled boy. I looked at Jacob, he was in extreme frustration, you could tell by the lines engraved on his forehead – that probably was a time bomb ticking. Even with his head down, I could see the searing glare beneath those dark brows. As I was furtively examining him when he suddenly popped-up his head with his lips pulled back above his seething teeth; his eyes, wild and wandering, were seeking-out for something or someone out here. I released the leaves letting the branches swing back and forth. I had just given him a clue that I was there. Something in me wanted him to find me so I could hurt him. This was the first time I had felt deep enmity.

For some reason I felt paranoid that Jacob knew I was here, and he knew what I was. It was like a needle in my flesh, I knew. I couldn't leave though, despite the danger that awaited me here. It was not only that my heart was too heavy to leave just yet, but I didn't trust Jacob, and I certainly wouldn't leave him alone with Charlie. I decided I would hide around and watch.

"I have to go, Charlie," Jacob blurted. "I think you should stay with Billy and me for awhile." Charlie chuckled, but I even I knew it was forced.

"There's no need for that, besides, I'm old enough to take care of myself," Charlie replied. Jacob frowned in response; he probably knew how stubborn Charlie was.

"Fine, I'll check on you later," and with that, Jacob left. I saw him drove off in his old Volkswagen car, I have no idea which one it was.

"I must've been giving the poor boy a hard time." I heard Charlie murmur to himself. "I give everyone a hard time, first Renee, and then Bell–" And then he shook his head unable to continue in the direction of his sentence.

I couldn't tolerate Charlie blaming himself of what was my fault. It wasn't fair, it wasn't fair at all. It wasn't his fault at all. How could he possibly blame himself for something that had nothing at all to do with him? I really wanted to tell him the truth so badly. There was just too much burden to bear here. Lies or the absence of truth was left to fill the questions just to protect lives. It finally came down to the question, was it more important to protect them, or to let them choose for themselves? Were their feelings more important, or were their lives more important? What would they have wanted? And I think I knew exactly what it was and it was an answer I was unwilling to hear.

There was no way on earth, or hell, that I would let Charlie choose his own destruction. No way, but I knew that eventually I would tell him the truth. I had to, it was only fair. Better than if he found out from that Jacob, I thought to myself.

I went closer to the house, practically spying inside from outside of the window. Charlie was watching TV. I looked at the TV screen, it was a cooking show. Since when Charlie watches cooking shows, I wondered. I sniffed around; there was a funny fuzzy smell that was extremely discomforting. It felt like the radar had just detected something and the alarm was going off like a siren. I was afraid to go inside the house, far too afraid of what I was incapable of.

Suddenly I heard a rustle, and there it was that smell again. I turned around; I saw a large silhouette moving in the dark. I jumped on the roof, attempting to gain a better view. I heard a thud on the roof, several seconds later. I looked around, and there it was, a huge furry wolf with its teeth ready to rip out my guts. I shuddered, because my gut told me this was no normal wolf, it could kill me. It started sniffing me, and then sneezed dramatically. I had no idea whether it was exaggerating or not.

"Hey!" I protested. "I don't smell bad, you smell bad." I scrunched my nose.

The wolf grunted in disapproval. Those dark brown eyes, and that russet fur, I immediately recognized him, it was Jacob Black. He was a werewolf? This was getting way more bizarre, but I guess I knew all along.

"Jacob Black," I said, introducing him for himself.

He couldn't speak in his wolf form; he groaned in response.

"Stay away from Charlie, or you'll be sorry," I ordered pointing fingers at him.

He rose, clawing paws in the air; he roared a little too loud for Charlie to ignore, I knew any moment Charlie would come out.

"I mean it."

Jacob got tired of being in his wolf form, he eventually abandoned it. Clearly, he was underestimating me.

"Why do I have to stay away from Charlie?" he questioned incredulously. "I'm not the bloodsucker."

"So you knew all along."

"You bet I did, otherwise I wouldn't have driven home only to run back here."

"You think I would hurt Charlie?" The possibility of that thought hurt me.

"Wouldn't you know better?"

I kept silent, he knew I was guilty and would be.

"How many lives have you already taken? Do you even want to kill your own father? Wait, what am I talking about, you're not even human. You don't have feelings."

I couldn't take it, all his words were so true, but they were so painful to hear it from him – an enemy who would be of less harm to Charlie than me. But there was on this he was wrong about, vampires did have feelings, at least I knew I did.

"How would you know?" I spitted. "How dare you tell me what I do and don't have?"

As we argued, we were basically just walking side facing side in a circle, eying each other like a target.

"Do you?" He looked at me, pretending to be amazed at the possibility.

"It wasn't my choice. You're a werewolf, aren't you equally dangerous?"

He snorted, and rolled his eyes.

"You should leave," he finally said; his eyes serious.

"You've got to be out of your mind if you think I'm even taking a step away from here."

"Well then I'm going to have to make you."

He looked so confident that he would kill me. Back in his wolf form, Jacob growled ferociously at me; his eyes fixed on me and mine gave him no less attention.

I knew I could beat him, I knew what steps he was going to take. Somehow, I could read him like an open book. He was smart, but volatile. It wasn't that hard to take him down. He jumped with his large jaws and his sharp teeth reaching for my neck. I grabbed him with my granite arms, but he was a bit stronger. He pushed me over the edge of the roof; I pulled him down with me. As we fell, I heard a thrashing sound on the roof. I heard the door swing open; Charlie, I thought.

"Who's there?" Charlie demanded in his officer tone.

Both Jacob and I kept silent and made no movement; we were careful not to kick off the broken ceramic roof pieces off the edge as Charlie analyzed the scene. I saw Charlie walk around the corner, to where I could almost touch him. I could see the worry in Jacob's eyes. I saw the blood flow; it wasn't like I was unaware of Charlie's beating heart, pumping blood into his veins, but I knew enough to resist. It seemed like so close; we were only milliseconds apart. I turned away, holding my breath. But still I felt the saliva in my mouth pour causing a dry ache in my throat. The smoldering voices were putting me under a spell. I could imagine just leaning further down, reaching for him. My other half was screaming, and crying. The beast was rising, I felt weak, like I had no strength left to fight.

_Give in, give in. _The voices were saying. Jacob put his face next to mine, giving me a warning. I felt like ripping out my hair. But I finally got a grip on myself, my hands were tightened into fists bringing bulging knuckles to the surface; I could feel the rest of my body start to tense. Charlie, unable to find anything finally went back into the house. Jacob got up – I sat up, allowing myself to breathe.

"You're no longer human, Bella," Jacob said as he returned to his human form; I could see the grief in his eyes as he said this. "Everyone thinks you're dead, it's probably better that way. You're not the Bella I once knew. Just do everyone a favor and leave."

I knew Jacob was right; I made no response to his painful speech. I jumped off, gracefully landing on my two feet. I grabbed my suitcase behind the tree which Charlie had not seen, and left without turning my head to look back. I had to leave; the goodbyes were already said when I died. I knew Jacob wouldn't harm Charlie after what I'd seen.

That night I spent a place at some crappy motel. The place was a rundown, beaten structure that had no kitchen, just a brown bed with blank, white sheets, and an old bulky TV set. I sat at the edge of the bed, thinking to myself. I switched on the TV, not really interested. I left it on, not really paying attention to what program it was. The blank walls had nothing but a mirror that hung on the outside of the bathroom, right above the sink. The carpets covered the floor like a cemetery burying all the decayed memories with dust turning into nothing.

I realized I was famished; relishing my thoughts on blood was really appetizing. I realized had I been more careful, I might not have been as tempted as I was today. I stared out the only window from my room – from that ratty three-story motel. There were no stars in the sky, it was so dark and foggy; the luminous moon was hiding. Probably a good night to hunt, I thought to myself. I looked out down the window; there was no one on the streets. I jumped out of the window and decided to look for a good place to hunt deep in the forest.

I followed the trail that led deeper and deeper into the forest. Making marks on the trees, I hoped to be able to find my way back. The forest was silent except for the crunching from beneath my feet. I walked farther and farther into the forest, making my way through various, and different trees. The air was thick and foggy much to my distaste. I walked further, hoping to find some animal tired of its life; if only.

As I was staring up at the sky long enough, I realized I could see the stars despite the fog and the clouds. I tried to name them to the best I could. There it was the brilliant North Star, and the others. I walked on, no longer looking down. I followed the North Star in marvel wondering where it would lead me. Of course, gradually I didn't think it really would lead me anywhere, but right now my mind was just so caught up. I felt the cool breeze caress my face; it reminded me of my mother when she sang me to sleep. I was just about close to where the North Star had stopped.

Suddenly, I felt my hunger bring me back to the bleak present, as the scent of wild animals reached my nostrils. I looked around and there it was; its brown eyes glowing in the dark. It was about five foot six, and probably weighed an approximate weight of 200lbs. The black bear, I was could feel my throat, teeth aching to sink into its abundant source of blood. I felt the beast in me come alive, and ready to kill. Greedily, I ran forward, thrusting my weight on the tips of my toes, but before I knew it, I fell forward face down. I had tripped over something on the ground. The bear was in terror, it leaped on me, placing its weight on my lower torso; its arms clawing at me. The angry bear opened its jaws ready to close them on me. I would push him off, if I had my arms. Even though, I knew I wouldn't die or get hurt by a bear, I was still affright.

Suddenly a being came crashing into the bear bringing him to the ground. I got angry as I realized it was another vampire, stealing my food.

I looked at the thief; he walked tall as he heading towards me, there was an air of confidence and boredom I felt in him, like he knew it all. He had lustrous, delicate bronze hair that fell gently all around, and some were partially in his gleaming, topaz eyes. There was a somber aura in the way he walked. As he got closer, I saw the confused look in his eyes; soon it was replaced by a bold twisted smile.

"Hmmm," was all he said; he stared at me longer, I saw his explicit expression change from sarcastic to confused, and suddenly he became quite frustrated.

"What?" I asked.

"Interesting," he finally said; then he realized he was talking to me. "I'm Edward Cullen."

"Bella Sw-," I almost said my last name. "I mean Bella Lovett." I looked away, afraid of his intelligent eyes. I felt embarrassed, and waited for him to make fun of my hunting skills, but he didn't.

He smiled briefly, I almost fell on my knees; I had never seen such a beautiful smile in my life. But soon, his expression returned to a faint frustration – you could barely see the creases on his pale forehead.

"Well, it's nice to meet you, Bella. Perhaps you would like to meet my family later."

"Well, er. Perhaps, I will."

"Do you need help with the bear?" He was suppressing a smile now; I felt red with humiliation not that vampires were capable of blushing.

"No thanks." I walked away and ran after the bear.

After I had felt I had enough of feeding, I searched for my way back. I saw no more of Edward, but I knew he was still around. I didn't want to rely on him for my way back as well. I looked at the trees; I couldn't find my markings anywhere. Left and right; the paths all looked the same.

"Shoot!" I muttered; I had forgotten to make markings as soon as I started following the North Star. It didn't even bring me anywhere except to a clumsy accident with a bear and a fine humiliation in front of a beautiful vampire; I knew it was all bogus.

I decided I would turn right. I walked on, not knowing where I was. As I continued to walk, I heard sounds of booming laughter. I walked closer, hoping there was someone there. It didn't sound like Edward and that comforted me.

"Hello?" I called out to where the laughter was coming from. "Is anybody there?"

"Over here Bella," I immediately recognized Edward's voice.

As I walked closer, I noticed there were two three silhouettes. I stepped out from the darkness, making an ordinary entrance. There was a brawny guy, the one with all the booming laughter, and then next to him was a charming, tall vampire with lustrous blond hair. At the far end, I noticed a petite figure standing; her beauty was as equal to the others. Her short, jet black hair pointing in every direction and small features made her seem like a magical being.

"Hi Bella," she said, coming forward towards me. "I'm Alice, Edward's sister, and that's Jasper and Emmett." She pointed at the blond and then the brawny one.

"Hi everybody," I said shyly. "I've kind of lost my way do you think you could show me the way back?"

I saw the surprised looks on their faces; however, Edward's held a tiny smirk.

"I have a better idea, why don't you come over to our place?" Alice was practically dancing as she said this.

_Clarifications: So as you can see, nothing happens yet to Charlie. This is only the beginning, so you'll have to wait if it were to come. In this chapter, Bella meets up with Jacob, Edward and all the other famous characters that aren't mine, sadly. But anyway, my favorite part was the North Star. It is kind of dumb, yeah I know. But I think it's funny how Bella was meant to find Edward when she followed the North Star, because if you know the Bible account that Jesus was born beneath the North Star and that the three kings of orient went looking for Him, they had to follow the North Star. Jesus is a gift to the world, and my idea of Edward and Bella, is that they are both gifts for each other. I'm actually really bad at writing conversations, but I'm still working on it, so feel free to comment, and criticize. I would really appreciate if you guys could tell me how I can improve. _


	4. Chapter 4 The Cullens

Chapter 4 – The Cullens

Riding in Emmett's big jeep, we sat in silence, and every so often I would notice the surreptitious glances from Edward to the others. Every so often there was a smirk; a masked smile.

Sitting beside me, Edward made no movement or sound except the minor bouncing in his seat from the leaping car ride. Emmett drove at a speed my mind barely grasped, but I eventually became oblivious to it.

Several times my conscience caught my wandering eyes watching motionless Edward staring out into oblivion. I watched those lengthy, curvaceous lashes bat against the dark portion beneath his eyes, shutting those gleaming topaz eyes from sight. The surface of his skin seemed so smooth; it had a shimmering effect to it as though it were polished. My hand was aching to reach out and touch the skin there, imagining what his porcelain skin might feel like. In an abrupt moment, Edward startles me with his eyes staring straight at me – I'm caught staring at him. Instinctively, my eyes shift away pretending it was nothing more than a curious glance. Within the next instant his face is next to mine; eyes burning into my soul. His fragrant, cool breath blows gently into my face as he speaks.

"See something of interest?"

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing, I thought I saw you were examining me." A faded smug plastered on his flawless face.

My eyes moved its focus – starring at my feet. I made no speech in response, feeling mortified. _Stupid, stupid Bella, _I thought to myself. He looked away, his blank and distant expression returned.

"How long have you lived here?" I asked.

"Hmm," he hummed in a low voice. As he broke away from his deep stream of thoughts, his topaz eyes focused a full glance on me causing me to stealthily gasp for air. There it was again, in his breathtakingly beautiful eyes, a tint of dissatisfaction as though something beneath that cold demeanor was torturing him.

"How long have you lived here?" My voice faltered at the repeat of the trivial question.

"We've been accommodating here for more years than you could possibly imagine; even longer than you have been on this planet. We moved here decades ago even before the wolves started to multiply. We were the ones that started the treaty because we didn't want a war and thought that co-existing was a better idea; not necessarily a utopia nonetheless, a better world for both sides. The number does not impress me nor has it changed anything. Hope doesn't exist here." He smiled at me apologetically.

I smiled politely back understanding that what he was trying to tell me, not feeling shocked at all. I had already come towards acceptance at this stage for the denial had never been much help at all.

"There is more to this existence than that, Edward," Jasper said, looking my way. I looked away, not understanding.

"I wasn't trying to break her spirit; I was just telling her to give up hopes on return," Edward replied curtly.

"What is this treaty that you spoke about?" I asked both hoping to break the ice and actually curious. No one really gave me looks that said are-you-kidding-me? I supposed they were aware I was brand new to all of this.

"The treaty was a truce between vampires and werewolves," Edward started.

"Edward's history class is the best, Bella," Alice remarked with a soft, high-pitched laugh followed by smirks from the others, even Edward who looked sheepishly back at Alice.

I must admit Edward could really conduct a history class of his own. He told gave an account so well from a first-hand narrative. It wasn't just the fact that he had witnessed it, it was his musically tuned voice and his choice of words; it was like listening to a person from a different time. His voice was old with knowledge not with age.

Soon we arrived at a white house by a river. It was bright and beautiful; it looked like one of those houses in Lord of the Rings where the elves lived; like some sort of haven. I could really picture elves living there. The Cullens were in fact, to me somewhat elf-like; they had well built physiques, flawless features, and extremely beautiful.

Despite the lack of an ill-humored atmosphere amidst them, I could feel the sadness that existed. Yet, I could see the gratitude each of them had for one another.

As we went inside, the first thing that caught my eye was a grand piano. I looked around noticing how empty and vacant the house looked. There was a couch, a dining room and other rooms at the far corner of the family room. There were vases of pink azaleas that were probably the only thing that really defined the existence of life there. It was as though everything was a dream; the vampires I saw were nothing more than a dream. It was surreal despite the fact I knew what I was, I still felt normal and unlike them. I was definitely particularly ordinary-looking in comparison to these vampires.

There were two vampires who approached at the bottom of the grand stairs. I was surprised to see the two whom Edward had spoken of earlier: Carlisle and Esme. It was like history coming to life.

Carlisle was blond and like the rest flawlessly good-looking. He smiled a gentle smile; a smile of welcome. The small female who stood next to him – Esme with her heart-shaped face smiled at me like I was her long lost child. I was both surprised and delighted at the warn welcome.

I looked up waiting for another vampire to appear. A gorgeous female with long, lustrous, blond hair met my expectant gaze. I had heard little of her. She seemed strange to me. Despite the fact that we were under similar circumstances – being vampires, there was an invisible barrier between us. She barely glanced my way making me feel extremely out of place in her presence. Her seductive eyes were gazing at Carlisle and Edward. I could see a tint of annoyance in her eyes. I looked at Edward who looked away from Rosalie, paying her no attention.

"This is Rosalie," Esme spoke, her face still holding that fondness quality. "Rosalie, meet Bella. She's new here in town."

Rosalie gave me a quick glance, her eyes swiftly covering me from head to toe. She looked away, feeling satisfied. Perhaps she knew I was not her competition and that I could never be.

"Hello, Bella," Rosalie breathed, and gave me a smile no one could ever refuse.

"Hi, Rosalie," I smiled.

As time passed, we talked more and more, the Cullens and I. They were telling me about how they came to be. Gruesome and painful details were involved but it seemed easily conveyed across. We spoke about our struggles and so forth. It was satisfying to finally find a place I belonged; somewhere I could lay back at let it out – the grief.

"So you're a vegetarian, Bella?" Carlisle asked.

I laughed at term; it did somehow fit what we were – vegetarians. They laughed too understanding the irony behind the term.

Most of us were sitting down except for Carlisle, Edward and Jasper who paced around the room making me slightly nervous. As for Edward, he stood still most of the time, every so often throwing brief glances at Jasper.

"Bella, do you have any powers?" Emmett asked somewhat playful.

"Powers, what powers?"I asked, deeply confused.

"Emmett," Edward warned.

"What? You're not the only ones who can have powers," he replied sheepishly.

"You have powers?" I was clearly new to this. Starring at Edward, we waited for his reply, what seemed to be almost inevitable.

"Yes, we do," Edward sighed. "We don't know why it is or how it works – my ability to read minds and Alice's ability to see the future."

I gasped realizing that all this while Edward was reading my mind. I stared away from Edward feeling self-conscious.

"Jasper has the ability to feel and control other people's emotions and Emmett's tremendous super-strength is his plus. The rest of us don't really have powers and we have no idea why that is."

I looked at Emmett and Jasper feeling somewhat disturbed.

"We think it's our gifts in our human lives that we have carried across but there is no way to really prove that."

"I doubt I have any powers," I said. "Does that mean you were reading my thoughts this whole time?"

Edward laughed a very velvet laugh. He was clearly enjoying the embarrassment that I felt. Suddenly his face became serious, and confused.

"That's the funny thing, Bella. I can't read your thoughts."

Somewhat relieved, I sighed. There were lines between his dark brows that were like dark clouds before a storm. It then came to me that maybe that was my power.

"Perhaps that is your power," he said, as though he could read my mind. "Although, to me it hardly counts as a power; being able to block out mind reading that is."

I noticed the frustration in his eyes as he spoke but he quickly got over it. The lines on his forehead disappeared in a second.

"Why did you come back to Forks, Bella? If you don't mind me asking," Edward asked.

"I had to see Charlie and make sure he was doing well. I know I shouldn't have but I did. I just felt like I couldn't fade forever without the knowledge of his well being." I felt instantly guilty at the memory of what could have happened.

To my surprise, Edward did not laugh or mock me; he was silent and sympathetic.

"What happened?"

"Ah, um," I stuttered. "Well, nothing really except the wolf showed up." I felt distaste at the memory.

"Which wolf was it?

"Jacob Black, my dad's buddy's son."

It was Alice who changed the topic; she asked me where I lived. She was surprised that I had no permanent place to stay and offered me to stay with them. Most of them agreed.

"No, I don't think I can Alice," I replied to the black-haired pixie but she didn't lose hope or give up; she kept pushing me until I said yes.

It was finally decided that I would stay with them, staying in their guest room. I would go to school with them, pretending to be just like one of them. I couldn't bear the thought, besides it was too risky to put my identity at stake here.

"Don't worry, Bella. Jacob wouldn't tell on you," Edward said convincingly. "He has too much to lose."

Somehow I felt safe hearing those words despite the odds. I felt safe with the Cullens in their silent promises. I now understood why they felt like family, they had each other's backs. There were no secrets here.

_Clarifications: OK, I understand how good I am at messing up. It's just that it's been awhile since I've updated. I feel like giving up with this story because it really does lack emotion and I am afraid to put too much emotion till it sounds like some overrated fan-girl's diary. Anyway this is the part that Bella meets the Cullens, I know it's kind of bad. Hopefully, I can make up for it in the next chapter. Anyway although romantic love may work for Bella and though she hasn't but will eventually love Edward beyond physical appearances, Edward has not fallen for Bella. So technically speaking, neither party is in love, yet. _


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5 – Reliving the Beginning

Edward said I had to go to school because it would help me blend in, but the more I thought about it, it seemed like I was putting my identity at risk exposing myself to numerous humans. Besides, 'school secret' is an oxymoron in itself. The Cullens were the majority in the house thus, eliminating my options; so school it was, and the consequences I would reap.

High school – the term never seemed to change its connotations for me even when life in most of its drudgery had given way to more time; time to think about negative things. Life here at the mansion was beautifully peaceful and intoxicatingly positive despite Jasper and me being the ones at the bottom of the vampire totem pole.

My first day of high school started as the Cullens dragged me into high school, even though it was mainly Alice who really did most of the pulling. Her hand gripped firmly around my left wrist as she encouragingly pulled me along.

"Come on, Bella," her voice much too high for humans to hear. "It's not that bad."

I grunted, unable to ignore the awkward stares from the students. I instantly felt a rush at the bottom of my tongue – venom flow at the scent of humans. I looked at Jasper who clearly was tortured as I knew he felt my thirsts; it was doubled for him. I had to move away from him or together we would end up in a major catastrophe. Edward who was nowhere in sight was in luck or perhaps he had fled at the realization of a forewarned tripled thirsts.

"Alright, Alice," I said, deciding to behave just so I could appear _almost_ normal. "I'll behave."

She smirked with satisfaction; she definitely looked prettier than she did when she was forcing me along, I thought dryly but of course I knew she was beautiful no matter what.

Walking away, I wandered off, indistinct to what I was doing here. As I drifted away from Alice and the Cullens, I received more stares and looks from the humans. I returned certain glances that were responded with instant detachment. Surprised by the gesture, I realized the alarm that I brought to their instincts. _That's better_, I thought. My unusual chalky skin was certainly one of the factors encouraging their suspicions and fears.

I walked away feeling worried about their thoughts. Children were walking past me – back and forth, thrashing into my granite shoulders, unintentionally provoking the beast. My vacant glare eyed them with nothing but lust. The vibrant, runny crimson flowing in their veins was the only thing burning in my motionless mind. As I reached for one of the boys – spiky, dark-blond haired, smiley child, the others around us ran away and suddenly, a hand fiercely seized my shoulder pulling me away from the lively elixir. I stared at the untouched human who barely noticed me; he walked away with uninterrupted giggles escaping his somewhat built chest. He was completely oblivious as to what could have happened then and there – his uncomplicated life could have been over. _What an idiot_, I thought to myself.

"Bella," it was Edward, he was nearly shouting in his rough tone. "What were you thinking?"

I shook silently, understanding the predicament that might have followed if Edward had not been there.

"Look, Bella," he smoothen his velvet voice, speaking much too silently. "Stay close, you'll be safe here. The bell rang, that's our call. Your next class is with me. Come on, Bella; _amor fati_."

"I'll be safe here?" I was incredulous to what he had to say, there was no blame in his face. "It's not me who needs protection, it's them."

"I may be strong and fast, but I can't protect everyone, Bella," he half-smiled but I could see the sympathy in his eyes.

"Well, for a guy that's a start."

"What, being strong and fast?"

"No, admitting that you're not superman."

He nodded and smiled without teeth, "I suppose that's a compliment."

"Take it or leave it."

I was glad to see the halls had cleared as soon as Edward and I started to walk to class; I felt like I couldn't bear anymore of the trials the day had prepared for me.

I was briefly introduced to the class and to my surprise that dark-blond haired boy – my almost victim was sitting in the back of the class silently starring at me as were the other students – giving me glances.

Forks, was pretty small; given the population and the students at the school here, almost everyone knew one another; a redneck forest town. Images of Hansel and Gretel popped to my mind as I thought of Forks as a demographic region; a nice place to live, indeed.

I walked down to the only open seat there was in the clumpy Biology class – next to the other chalky vampire in class – Edward. I felt secure with Edward by my side; his arrogant demeanor intimidating the humans and causing them to flee his presence was ultimately a definite plus for me.

In the instant class started, Edward and I were mainly babbling in class in our usual inaudible ranged voices.

"Edward," I murmured to him, smiling deviously. "What did you mean by _amor fati_ earlier?"

"Love of fate," he whispered back; his lips barely moving.

"Love of fate; what do you mean by that?"

"Even though it actually intended to motivate one to live purposefully despite the circumstances in the knowledge that death is inevitable to every man, it is not so in our case but I said so anyway hoping you would understand."

"Understand that I should learn to love my fate?"

"Acceptance perhaps; give up the hopes, they only seek to torture you. If there was hope, Bella, I would do everything in my power to return to the unadorned life of human foolishness."

"You're different, Edward," I replied stubbornly. "You've lived this life longer than I have; it makes you more accepting towards your state."

"I don't disagree with that. I can see you want it more than I do. But don't turn your eyes away from what being a beast makes us do. Do you for a second think that I would not give anything to trade the lives I took with my own?"

"I believe you would."

He stared at me quietly looking into my eyes; perhaps he was trying to decipher my thoughts. I was, as always grateful for this "gift".

The teacher prattled on, never noticing our quiet discussion. Every day it was like that; I barely paid the teacher any attention. I did my own studying – reading textbooks on my own at the speed of a machine. Besides, there wasn't anything I could learn from the teacher that I couldn't learn from Edward who has two degrees in medicine.

First day of school – I would have dreaded it in a different way if I had been human. I would have been haunted and horrified by thousands of stares watching my every move, but now I had more on my mind than to worry about those things.

I sat quietly next to a girl named Jessica in Spanish class. She started talking to me; I felt it was odd that she was unafraid of me. I gave her petty responses that I thought she expected from a human girl. Somehow I could see right through her fond façade that she was only using me for her own selfish purposes, but I was more concerned of hurting her. I looked away trying desperately to ignore her. If only she knew, but I could see through those dark eyes that she didn't. I tried to be nice to her so she wouldn't be suspicious, but her constant attempts to invade my personal space are exceedingly irritating as she lured and beguiled the monster closer and closer.

"Hey, Bella do you have a boyfriend?" She asked nosily, smirking like a little girl.

"Um, no, I don't"

"Oh, have you met Mike Newton? You know, he's the cutest guy in school!"

Before I could give my mindless response, she continued to brag about this human. I snorted in my head imagining what would be of him if I killed him, _who would you brag about then? _I virtually shook myself, eliminating thoughts of malice from my mind. How could a human girl make me condemn myself even more with tainted thoughts?

"He's so cute! Can you believe he finally asked me out this weekend?"

She continued to chatter and squeal like I wasn't there. I paid her the least attention possible, thinking of home, and Charlie. I sighed, knowing the lie I had to live for the rest of my pathetic existence. I absent-mindedly got up from my seat as the bell rang and rushed to the door, completely unaware of Jessica. I walked to the cafeteria as casually as I could. Looking around for the Cullens, my eyes carefully scanned the cafeteria. Edward sat alone at one table. As soon as he spotted me, he beckoned me to come.

"Where are the rest?" I asked puzzled.

"Emmett and Rosalie are getting their food," Edward answered with an undertone of sarcasm. "Jasper and Alice went out for lunch."

"Oh, is it because of me?"

"No, no," his voice became a reverberation of the background noise. "It isn't your fault. Just safety precautions, besides, I'm here so he felt bad that I had to feel what he did."

"I see."

"No, you worry too much Bella. Tell me, how was your first day of school?"

"It wasn't so bad except that girl – Jessica, I think she hates herself."

"Why do think so?" His eyes were mystified.

"She kept trying to come closer to me, endangering her own life."

He smirked. His eyes moved away from me to where the human girl was sitting. He turned back to me and smiled.

"Bella, you're not very nice," he said teasingly.

"What did I do?"

"She's slightly ticked off at you for leaving class without her and she's confused as to why I'm making friends with you."

"Why is that confusing?"

"You don't want to know."

I stared at him, wondering why he would say such a thing.

School became such a trial as each day advanced, not only that it was so entirely challenging to keep away from the humans but the fact that tedious rituals of homework and lectures were compellingly draining.

I had only been enrolled in the district school for two months and I was aware that the Cullens were beginning to feel uncomfortable by my draining attitude towards the dreary lifestyle. I felt bad, but there was no one, not even myself who was capable of undoing the situation. That night, after my least favorite class – gym, Edward rapped lightly on my door. After letting himself into my plain room – white walled, with nothing but a sofa and a bean bag, Edward informed me that we were going out.

"What time is it now?" I asked Edward, wondering where we were going under the dark sky.

"Ten, maybe; come on Bella, let's go."

"Where are we going?"

"You'll see," he pulled me by my arms, lifting me off the bean bag to where I sat listening to the only electronic device in my room – the stereo.

That night Edward was rather excited by the Cullen's secret agenda. I was quite happy to see them in high spirits, but something told me that were only doing that to keep me from being miserable; they were trying to lighten me up.

"Where are we going, Carlisle?" I played along, but I felt that the night would end disastrously and the day would rise too quickly. We walked into the forest; there was no driving or cars on this night hike. I noticed as we were walking that Alice and Jasper weren't there. "Where's Alice and Jasper?"

"I'm sorry, Bella, but this was Edward's plan and according to his rules, I'm not allowed to tell you." Carlisle replied with a smirk.

"Fine," I whispered, shocked with what I saw before me. In the middle of the forest, near a pond which reflected the full Moon's full luminous glow as if the sun had fallen into the murky pond. There were lights all around from the fireflies. I walked further down, noticing a wooden table with something that looked like a cake burning with candles. I then realized what day it was and why everyone had been acting particularly strange that day.

"Alice, was this your idea?" I laughed at their thoughtfulness.

"Of course, why, did Edward try to take credit?" she teased, pulling me into a hug.

"Is that a real cake?" I asked, surprised that they'd even think of that, none of us was going to eat human food anyway – we knew that.

"Of course, not," she laughed.

I walked towards it, realizing that she was right; it wasn't a cake at all. It was a bowl of flowers arranged elaborately, the colors were magnificent – red, yellow, purple, and fuchsia with green leaves sprouting neatly around with water flowing beneath and silver candles sticking high above the flowers.

"That's really pretty," I said. "Did you make it?"

"Actually with much experience from flower arrangement, it was Esme who made it. You know how she loves these things, especially for weddings and parties."

"Thank you, Esme," I said, reaching for Esme, giving her a hug.

"Happy birthday, dear Bella," she said, smiling warmly at me. "Well, make a wish dear."

I walked over to the bowl of flowers and thought of what to wish for. I didn't really know what to wish for myself. I thought about Charlie, I hope to be able to talk to him someday. I hope to be reunited with my family. I blew out the candles, knowing that my wish would never come true, not because it wasn't possible, but because I couldn't let it. I could see what kind of danger I was and then I thought of something. It was a selfish thought; nonetheless, I couldn't help myself.

The Cullens and I sat around the garden playing 'Monopoly'. We chatted in a laid back manner, every so often bursting with giggles and smiles. My first birthday as a vampire; I felt like everyone was thinking it, but nobody ever said it.

Suddenly, there was a roar in a distance. I looked up to see a blue sleek car with lights brightly flashing at us on the ground. I got up, seeing Emmett in the driver's seat with Rosalie next to him, a graceful laugh escaping her lips. As they jumped out of the car, I was confused not really understanding why they had brought the car here.

"Happy birthday, Bella," Emmett said, grabbing me off the ground and crushing me into a bear hug. "Here's a little something we all got you."

"What is it?" I said finally speaking as he let me go.

"It's a Jaguar XF."

"You shouldn't, I don't need a car." I said, feeling bad that they had spent money on me. "You should save your money instead of spending it on me."

"Don't we at least get thanks?" He asked, dissatisfied.

"Thank you Carlisle, Esme, Edward, Emmett, Jasper, and Rosalie." I sighed.

They laughed, "You're most welcome."

I test-drove my new car home, with the Cullens chattering and laughing in the back seat. It was a pleasant surprise yet, the car was what I really didn't need; I went to school with Edward and didn't need a car. As we got home, Edward played me a happy birthday song on the piano with the rest of them singing along in angelic voices. I was very grateful, indeed.

Edward came to my room a second time.

"I would like to give you a gift personally, tell me, Bella what do you want?" He asked.

I immediately saw this as my opportunity.

"I want to see Charlie, Edward, please. I know with you there with me, you can at least stop me if anything was going to happen."

"But Bella, it's too dangerous. I'm sorry this happened to you; Gerhard will pay for this, I promise."

"No, don't worry about Gerhard; I just really need to check on Charlie." I felt disgusted with myself.

We walked silently towards where Charlie lived. I stared at the trees, meticulously noticing every detail. Every so often, I could hear my breathing getting heavy and Edward would stop and ask me if I really wanted to continue this.

Edward didn't say anything and it made me feel more guilty like I was making him apart of my personal crimes, but he said he didn't care.

I walked up to where I stood the last time I came here. It was as close as I could get to Charlie. Edward and I silently watched and waited for Charlie to move around. The lights in the living room were on indicating that he was probably watching TV like he normally did. I heard several shouts.

"Come on, come on, make a shot!" they were saying. I heard two voices, one was Charlie's and the other I recognized pretty well; it was Billy Black, Charlie's old friend. Both Edward and I were alert.

"We should go," I said.

Edward nodded, muttering something I couldn't hear. We were walking several steps away from where Billy and Charlie sat in the living room when suddenly the pack appeared. There were new faces I had not seen before.

"What are you doing here at this hour?" I noticed Jacob as he questioned us. "I thought I told you to never come back."

"If I remember correctly, I told you, you would be out of your mind if you think I would stay away from Charlie forever."

"We can take them," a dark haired boy slightly shorter than Jacob boasted.

"Wait, Jared," a blond one said. I knew he was the leader because there was something about the way he commanded their obedience. "Let's not be hasty."

"You vampires shouldn't be here," he said to us.

"We can go wherever we want as long as none of the humans are hurt; we have not broken our side of the treaty," Edward replied, his body tensing; I could hear the irritation in his voice. I felt anger around the werewolves; it was an odd feeling like a gut-hatred.

"Crystal heads, you better get out of here before we –", Jacob roared.

"That's enough, Jacob," the blond one interrupted.

The werewolves were arguing among themselves wanting to take us down, as we stood there amazed at how wild they were.

"You can't even control your tempers, how would you even control yourself from hurting humans?" I yelled.

As we continued to argue, Edward and the blond one were the ones keeping us from actually having a real fight. There were too many of them anyway, not that Edward and I would be able to take down the whole pack without the rest of the Cullens.

"What's going on out here?" I heard Charlie's voice, I turned to look and there he was standing with Billy trying to pull him back into the house. He looked at us, analyzing each of us in the dark. There was silence amongst us – the werewolves and the vampires; we froze at Charlie's discovery of us. As Charlie's eyes met mine, I looked away unable to bear the horrified look in his eyes as he let out a drastic gasp. I felt Edward grab my hand and wrestling with himself to pull me away from the scene but he knew it was too late; we had been discovered.

_Clarifications: Although Bella is a vampire, she is unlike Edward who is bored and negative about the human race. Bella doesn't see complete bad in human beings and their petty actions. Edward's just that way from the time he's spent observing them, seeing the futile quality to their existence. Bella is as always, intuitive, and emotionally intact. They are such a compatible couple – Edward, a perfect protector to Bella, and Bella in turn is Edward's antidote to his bitterness towards the human race and hope. I know some people may think I'm making Jacob seem evil or mean but don't blame Stephenie Meyer's sweet Jacob; he's only doing what he thinks is right plus he can't help it if he hates vampires. Vampires are disgusting creatures in reality. Honestly speaking, Twilight has more similarities to Wuthering Heights than you would realize, but due to the beauty of vampires we don't see what kind of cruel creatures they really are. It's a choice to make to be better like the Cullens, but they really are monsters. I might have failed to mention this but my story basically takes place at the time of New Moon so about Victoria and James, we shall hear not about them for awhile. In the Twilight series I think what Edward's inability to read Bella's mind does is it brings Edward to take a closer look at Bella; get to know her. Instead of judging her like any other human being, and when he does get to know her, we see that he falls in love with her. This proves the theory of there is more than meets the eye. _


End file.
